Someone told me that I shouldn't post Blog updates so rarely... *LOL* but when you've got nothing of interest to say... what do you do? *LOL*

I guess I'm making excuses... I mean, I could mention how I'm still having difficulty motivating myself... or I could mention how my doctor prescribed Lipitor to bring down my cholesterol... and that he demanded that I change my diet... but did I? no... :(

I could mention how I'm starting college again... got my employer to pay for me to go to an online university... but I'm already struggling... so it's kind of chipping away slowly at my self-esteem...

I could mention how the marriage is going well... and occasionally, my wife and I even work out together... I love some of the things she wears when we go jogging together... but that's neither here nor there... *L*

Or, I could just flat out say that I'm sick of all the contradictions and whatnot... THIS weight is healthy, THAT weight is not... BMI... BP... BFP... blah blah blah... now I can understand why some folks either let themselves become content with being overweight, or they choose extreme ventures like gastric bypass surgery and whatnot... I've seen firsthand what healthy dieting & exercise can do to me, and I've seen firsthand what the opposite can do to me...

Bottom line... why is it so hard to motivate yourself? Why is it that I could drive home from work one day, angry or upset about my day... and I could pull into an Arby's drive through and spend $8-10 on enough food to feed two people, and down it all before I get home? Why is it that I have the healthy option sitting right in front of me and I rarely choose it?

I thank God for giving me so many choices, day in and day out... but I need to step up and take them. What is the problem with me? As my neck & waist get thicker, and my clothes fit less and less, I wonder what's next for me... what kind of example I can be to my kids... how long I'll even be around... as I read the next issue of Men's Health, with a great picture of Jason Statham on the cover... last month's was a great issue, with Jamie Foxx on the cover... the magazine is a great read, as is every other piece of reading material related to fitness, weight loss, etc. that I've picked up in the past 24 months. Now here's the kicker - ask me if any of their motivation stuck with me for longer than 3 months.

I've got a gym membership I'm not even using. I bought workout clothes I wear around the house when I'm cleaning or doing yardwork. I've got a bicycle in the garage I rarely ride.

I guess I'm just at the end of my rope here... trying to figure out what in the world is supposed to motivate me... what do I say to myself... how do I fight through wanting to always give up...

Oh, look... the next issue of Cooking Light... guess I'll read that now... *sigh*

Let's Do It Again...

Ok... so it's been 3 months since my last Blog post. Because of the upcoming wedding, and because I'd gotten out of routine, I let everything fall by the wayside. No exercise. No maintaining healthy eating habits. I even backed off SIGNIFICANTLY on my daily water intake. My body hasn't changed much, but I have ganed back 12 or so pounds. Lately, I've been hovering between 301 and 305. But now things have to change. I'm now married... got a new job (well, the same job... just more security and more money)... things are settled and back to normal, and now I really need to kick things back into high gear. But this time, I gotta do it slowly... set little goals and get things back on track. Here are a list of goals I'm setting for myself - short-term and long-term. Some are new, some are things I was doing before and began to let myself neglect.

drink 100 oz. of water daily
eat breakfast daily
eat 5 meals per day
30 minutes of cardio 3 times per week
30 minutes of cardio-resistance weight training 2 times per week
maintain 1 Cheat Day per week
sleep at least 6 hours per night
prepare lunches for the week every Sunday
cook dinner at least 4 times per week
maintain healthy snacks at my desk at work
limit red meat consumption to 1 meal per week
limit meat consumption to 3 days per week
eliminiate visits to any fast food restaurants

I'll probably add some more goals in there... but for now, that's all I can think of. And as I completely incorporate each of these goals into my lifestyle, I'll check each one off... so... say a little prayer and re-embark on this journey!

Got The Motivation I Needed...

OK... so why am I not doing any exercise but I'm still losing weight? Maybe it's this Vegan diet... all this tofu and soy protein and vegetables and Vegan-converted recipes... :) Sunday, I cooked brunch for some folks from my church. I made stuffed French toast, fresh hashed browned potatoes, fruit salad, veggie sausage, turkey sausage, Creole dirty rice (using veggie "meat" crumbles), and cornbread. And the only item on the menu that had something in it that went against the Vegain diet was the turkey sausage. :) One lady even said, "I never thought I could get full on Vegan food..."

Anyway... because of how diligent I've been, I'm down to 288 lbs.! A lot of my clothes (specifically, dress clothes) don't fit anymore. To a degree, it's almost cool to see myself "swimming" in two of my suits. :) I need to take a recent picture and compare it to how I looked last summer, and see if there's a noticeable difference. But I know this - I'm going to be in at least a size 48 suit... maybe even a 46!

In Need of Motivation...

OK... so it's been a while since my last Blog update... a LONG while... shoot, the seasons changed between my last update and now! *LOL* I've been really bad. I'm behind on everything. I've stopped working out, I'm behind on my Proverbs reading... I dunno. At least I'm still drinking a lot of water every day, and I'm still following the Vegan diet... so I haven't ballooned back up to 330 lbs. yet. But I'm afraid to weigh myself. And I have been a fried potato FIEND :( eating up French Fries left and right... I even had some steak fries today with my salad I had for lunch. Last night I told myself I would jog before choir rehearsal and I napped all afternoon and was 20 minutes late.

Last time I worked out, you ask? March 10th. I jogged/walked for 3 miles, and read all the way up to Proverbs 15. I want to have all 32 chapters read by the end of April, but I'm off my mark a little bit. My computer at home crashed big time, so I can't put any new music onto my iPod. I'm behind on projects at work, and stressing about having a job after May 31st... and I've just been tired a lot. I also did a bad move recently... after a recent visit to my cousin's house where I met a doctor who told me that water-soluble multi-vitamins are better than fat-soluble or time-release, I stopped taking my GNC Mega Man time-release multi-vitamin. I've been trying to find a water-soluble one to replace it, but no such luck. I could be trying harder... but you know... I just didn't.

I can still fit into the same clothes I raved about 2 weeks ago... I just don't want this to be the end of this journey. But how badly do I truly want it?

I Reached a Milestone!

OK... so I wake up Saturday morning and jump onto the scale... 297! I'm finally out of the 300's! I don't plan on returning either. Folks are really noticing me getting thinner, and my clothes are really getting too big (i.e. my watch, dress shirts, suits, etc.). My eating habits are definitely consistent and healthy now... I'm really feeling great about where this is going.

So I Had a Weak Moment...

See... this is how good God is. He gives me the opportunity to be open and honest about what I'm going through, and to not have any inhibitions about it... so that maybe my journey might help someone else. It's definitely helping me to document it, and to be blatantly honest about everything I'm experiencing.

With that said...

Last night, I had a strong urge for some fries. So... on the way to choir rehearsal, I stopped at Wendy's and got 2 orders of their largest size of fries and a small Mr. Pibb. And proceeded to scarf it all down within the 6-minute drive between the Wendy's and the rehearsal. I felt REALLY bad afterward... my mood was very low during rehearsal. But the music... the way I connect with God through the music and the lyrics... really helped me get back on track. I went to bed last night feeling a lot better about being able to look back on that weak moment and forgive myself for it, rather than beat myself up for it like I've done so many times in the past.

That being said... I woke up this morning and I was a pound lighter! So... I'm still on my way to my March mini-goal. 16 pounds to go, and I'm looking forward to reaching and surpassing that mark.

I didn't get to work out last night - gonna try either this evening or tomorrow morning.

Another Workout in the Books...

So, after a much-needed nap last night, I hit the gym at about 8:30pm. Yeah, it's an awkward time, but I felt an itch to get in there and get some work done. I did 15 minutes on the treadmill (while reading the Contemporary English version of Proverbs 9-12), and then hit that Smith machine again. Once again, I did 3 15-rep sets of squats and 3 15-rep sets of chest presses, both at 85 lbs. And then I did 3 minutes on the heavy bag - jabs, right hooks, and single- and double-round kicks from my right leg. I was dog tired after working that heavy bag, but I felt good having gotten in there and gotten some work done. And folks are really noticing that I'm slimming down... :)

I may not make my mini-goal tomorrow... so here's my plan - if I hit it, my mini-goal for March is 280 lbs. If I don't hit it, my mini-goal for March is 285 lbs. I'll keep myself honest.

And... I've discovered a new favorite lunch - 1 can of Goya Black Bean Soup, 1 package of Uncle Ben's Microwave Long Grain Brown Rice, and 1 piece of fruit! I mix the soup and the rice together, and I'm getting 2 servings of each for a total calorie count of 820 calories... it's low-sodium, and it's filling me up too! So you know my pantry is stocked.

Back on Track...

OK... so I've broken away from LL's Platinum workout a little bit. But that's OK - the soreness has healed enough to where I can work out again. So, I stopped in at the gym on Saturday to get in a workout. I did 15 minutes on the treadmill at a higher speed than I'm normally used to (even jogged 1/4 mile). Then, I went back to that Smith machine. I decided not to take myself through what Larry tried to take me through, but to back it off a little bit and work myself up to what he was trying to do. So, I did 3 15-rep sets of Squats and 3 15-rep sets of chest presses, all at 85 lbs. And I did them all at a very fast pace. Then, I did a few minutes on the heavy bag. I think that'll be my new thing, since Saturdays at the gym seem to be a little empty - I'll get 3-5 minutes by myself on that heavy bag. That first minute is cool... and then your body catches up. *L* But I held my own for about 3 minutes. :-)

Here I am, sore from that workout (mainly, my quadriceps) but I'm looking forward to tomorrow's workout. And... I'm down 2 more lbs.! I might just make my mini-goal of 299 lbs. by March 1st!

MINOR SETBACK

One of my favorite comedians, John Leguizamo, said a joke once about how people start off telling you a story... how non-Latino people start off a story happily like "Once upon a time..." and how Latino history is so jacked up that they start off stories with "You m*****f******s won't believe this s*** right here!" *LOL*

Well... I'm not Latino... but uh... check this out...

So I went to the gym on Tuesday for my one personal training session (free with my new gym membership). The trainer assigned to me, Larry, converses with me and takes me through a digital assessment... weight, height, health history, body measurements, BMI and body fat measurements, etc. No problems... then he says he's going to take me through some "cardio resistance" training, while we're waiting for the results of the assessment to generate and print. I'm thinking resistance training = low-weight, high reps, fast cardio pace... I feel up for it. He tells me that for my goals, I want to build my chest and legs, and he walks me over to the Smith machine, puts 105 lbs. on the bar, and tells me we're going to use this weight to do 100 squats (in 4 sets) and 100 chest presses (in 4 sets). First of all... I'm like [WTF!!] in the back of my mind... but I'm up for the challenge.

We start with a set of 30 squats. He's got me doing them at a rather fast pace, but he tells me I can pace myself if I need to. I get through that set OK. My heartrate felt OK at that point, so I felt I could go on. I get into position on the bench and barely make it through a set of 25 chest presses. We go back to the squats, and I do 25 more of those. I am feeling whipped at this point, not seeing an end in sight to this torture. *LOL* We go back to the chest presses, and I can barely push out 11 before I have to stop because I can't breathe and the weight is just too much at this point. I stop, sit and recover. I was almost in tears at having to stop - that's how bad I felt. Takes me a while to recover (breathing-wise), but eventually I'm OK. He prints out my assessment and while I'm waiting, I become EXTREMELY nauseous. I come VERY close to vomiting, but somehow I make it home. I can't even get my sweaty clothes off. I end up napping in the sweaty clothes. I just felt exhausted and extremely discouraged.

Here I am 3 days later, still sore and not walking normally. I've been stretching and trying to push myself through the pain in my quadriceps, but I haven't been back to the gym since. I'm going to try to go tomorrow, since I'm feeling a little better.

I did have a good lunch today - a few slices of pineapple & canteloupe, an Asian salad from McDonald's (no meat) with Balsamic Vinaigrette dressing, and a little black bean dip and a few chips. Total calories: 537. :-)

And this Diets To Go thing is GREAT! I've bought a week of lunches for myself and my fiancee... vegetarian meals... and they're great! I'm not a mushroom fan but their mushroom ravioli was awesome.

So... after a few days of discouragement, my weight has not changed... but I'm back on track now... :-)

It's On & Poppin'...

So I worked out last night. Week 2 of the BRONZE Phase. Got 15 minutes of cardio in to warm up (while reading chapters 1-4 of Proverbs in my Contemporary English Verion of the Bible), and then got to my circuit - (1) seated leg press, (2) seated row, (3) ab crunch, (4) tricep extension, (5) bicep curl, (6) chest press, (7) shoulder press, and (8) hamstring curl. Instead of doing the circuit straight twice, I just did 2 sets of 15 reps on each exercise. That shoulder press got me - I could only do 11 of 15 reps on the second set! I didn't do a cool-down at the end, because I was having such a good conversation with Larry, one of the trainers. He was supposed to do a personal training session with me this evening (a free perk when joining this gym), but the gym is requesting to reschedule the session. I'll call them later. I felt good about putting on clothes this morning for work - this pair of penstripe pants I'm wearing are normally EXTREMELY tight on my waist. This morning, I was able to button them closed with two fingers of room to spare between my waist and the waist of the pants! I put on a belt with them, and I had to close the belt at the 4th loop hole! And... my body is obviously getting used to working out again - I'm feeling no soreness at all this morning! I wonder if it was the post-workout stretching I did... well, I feel minimal soreness in my pectorals and shoulders... but I feel good... :)

First Workout!

Alright! I got my first workout in yesterday. Started with 10 minutes on an elliptical machine to warm up. Then, I went through the circuit once, as outlined in the book. I noticed that on a couple of the machines (particularly the seated row and the chest press) I had to increase the weight and do a second set before continuing to the next machine. But it was cool. In order, I did the following exercises: (1) seated leg press, (2) seated row, (3) ab crunch, (4) tricep extension, (5) bicep curl, (6) chest press, (7) shoulder press, and (8) hamstring curl. After going through the circuit once, I did 10 minutes on a treadmill as well.

I felt it in my hamstrings last night, but they feel OK today. I do feel soreness in my pectorals and triceps todau, and no pain in my knees or my right thigh! Also, I'm in a great mood for some reason today. I guess, working out and having a release for my stress really helps me.

According to the book, I'm supposed to do one more day of the above-mentioned circuit & cardio combo once, and then next week I extend the cardio to 15 minutes before and 15 minutes after, and do the entire circuit twice. Looking forward to it...

OK... so I shirked on my workout for Monday. I was just running rampant that night with so many different things, and Tuesday evening was just as bad. Weather-permitting, I'll be in the gym tonight. Or maybe I ought to push this all back one week, and start fresh next Monday. *sigh* I dunno. Initial weigh in & photo coming shortly...

Emotional Eating

Yep... had to get this post in before I officially weigh in for the first time and get started with this thing. And this is going to be some REAL TALK.

Emotional Eating. According to WebMD, it's "eating to feed a feeling and not a growling stomach". For the rest of this article, click here.

Yes... I'm a huge victim of this. And what's wierd is... sometimes I actually feel the ability to make the choice not to do it beforehand. I mean... not to say we don't already have the choice to not do it... but I'll be staring a second hamburger, a 4th slice of pizza, a 3rd helping of macaroni & cheese... and I'll sigh and say "what the hell" and eat it anyway.

This week especially has been bad for me. Had a couple of really bad days at work, and bombarded myself with pizza twice this week. My once-coveted 306 lbs. (scale reading from Tuesday evening) ballooned to 315 lbs. (scale reading Friday night). Scale reading from this morning was 311 lbs. You really shouldn't weigh yourself this often, but I'm just sharing to give you an example of what this has done to me.

Emotional eating has been a big factor in why past diet plans have failed for me. Something sets me off, I shovel food down my throat, and I feel even more defeated than before I began eating, and decide to give up. Over the past 4 years, my weight has fluctuated up and down between 289 lbs. and 330 lbs. NOT COOL AT ALL. My blood pressure and cholesterol levels have suffered because of this. Praise God that I don't have to take medication to keep those levels in check, but my doctor has told me in the past that I have borderline hypertension and I need to watch my sodium intake.

One of the things most people will tell you is that you can't give up - if you slip up, you can't wallow in it. So, this post is serving two purposes - (1) to give readers a little insight into what someone goes through when they let themselves fall victim to emotional eating, and (2) give me a little boost to not give up before I began. I want to look at this post 2 months from now (and possibly 15-20 lbs. lighter) and bask in the glow of the fact that I had this moment and got myself through it and didn't give up. I think we need that.

Yeah, I had a couple of bad days this week. Yeah, I let my emotions drive me toward pizza in a big way - once, I ate a whole large pizza from Papa John's, and last night I went to a pizza buffet. SO WHAT? I know I shouldn't do it. But here's the rub - it's OK. It has happened. I'm going to concentrate on the future. I'm going to keep my mind on my first weigh-in tomorrow. I'm going to look forward to my first workout on Monday evening. That's my little goal right now, on the way to the big goal. Getting through Monday's workout.

I feel much better after posting this.

So I went to the gym last night... decided to take the LL Cool J's Platinum Workout book with me and plan my first 2 weeks of workouts. For the first 2 weeks of the BRONZE Phase, you're only doing cardio and circuit training. So I took each body part, in order listed in the book, and found a circuit machine exercise to do. I got myself acclimated on each machine and found the optimum weight I should be using for that exercise. That went VERY well. A guy even offere to help me on one of the machines - it was one of those where you switch one lever and it goes from a seated press to a seated row... wierd stuff but cool. *LOL*

Went to the grocery store afterward and got some healthy stuff...

Today was just a BAD day all around. Left my lunch at home, almost lost my keys, got berated by my boss... ugh. I'm just looking forward to going home and napping before choir rehearsal tonight. Maybe after choir rehearsal, I'll get 30 minutes of cardio in, and then go home and go to bed. Yeah... that sounds like a decent plan.

And So It Begins...

Yep. The first day of the next chapter of my life.

Well... actually, this is the foreword. You know... that section in the beginning of a book that you don't know whether or not you should read...?

Here I am. 30 years old. Three months away from my 31st birthday. Engaged to be married in 4 months. And I just so happen to be approximately 45 pounds overweight. Yep... 45. Suit size? 54. Waist size? 43. Neck size? 20.

I've tried many times to lose the weight... many times, for the wrong reasons. Three years ago, I even tried Jenny Craig. It worked - in about 8 months, I lost 40 pounds.

Mind you... once I quit Jenny Craig and slipped back into my old eating habits and sedentary lifestyle, it took me a little over a year to put almost all the weight back on.

I've read a few books here and there, trying to take different principles from different designed plans that might work for me... but I've finally found something that excites me.

I've been a fan of LL Cool J for a long time, and when his book, LL Cool J's Platinum Workout came out, I really wanted to check it out. Seeing what he's done naturally to his body and lifestyle has been an inspiration to me. And the book itself reads rather interestingly - a 4-month plan designed to gradually build your endurance, teach you to eat better, and take you through an increasingly challenging program designed to change your body and your life.

So... this Blog will document my journey from my current weight to that infamous goal of 265. I will document everything - doctor visits, meals, weekly weigh-ins, and even progress photos. I open this Blog up for comments... although I'm doing this for me, as a lifestyle change. So... sit back, relax, and enjoy my transformation.