Someone told me that I shouldn't post Blog updates so rarely... *LOL* but when you've got nothing of interest to say... what do you do? *LOL*

I guess I'm making excuses... I mean, I could mention how I'm still having difficulty motivating myself... or I could mention how my doctor prescribed Lipitor to bring down my cholesterol... and that he demanded that I change my diet... but did I? no... :(

I could mention how I'm starting college again... got my employer to pay for me to go to an online university... but I'm already struggling... so it's kind of chipping away slowly at my self-esteem...

I could mention how the marriage is going well... and occasionally, my wife and I even work out together... I love some of the things she wears when we go jogging together... but that's neither here nor there... *L*

Or, I could just flat out say that I'm sick of all the contradictions and whatnot... THIS weight is healthy, THAT weight is not... BMI... BP... BFP... blah blah blah... now I can understand why some folks either let themselves become content with being overweight, or they choose extreme ventures like gastric bypass surgery and whatnot... I've seen firsthand what healthy dieting & exercise can do to me, and I've seen firsthand what the opposite can do to me...

Bottom line... why is it so hard to motivate yourself? Why is it that I could drive home from work one day, angry or upset about my day... and I could pull into an Arby's drive through and spend $8-10 on enough food to feed two people, and down it all before I get home? Why is it that I have the healthy option sitting right in front of me and I rarely choose it?

I thank God for giving me so many choices, day in and day out... but I need to step up and take them. What is the problem with me? As my neck & waist get thicker, and my clothes fit less and less, I wonder what's next for me... what kind of example I can be to my kids... how long I'll even be around... as I read the next issue of Men's Health, with a great picture of Jason Statham on the cover... last month's was a great issue, with Jamie Foxx on the cover... the magazine is a great read, as is every other piece of reading material related to fitness, weight loss, etc. that I've picked up in the past 24 months. Now here's the kicker - ask me if any of their motivation stuck with me for longer than 3 months.

I've got a gym membership I'm not even using. I bought workout clothes I wear around the house when I'm cleaning or doing yardwork. I've got a bicycle in the garage I rarely ride.

I guess I'm just at the end of my rope here... trying to figure out what in the world is supposed to motivate me... what do I say to myself... how do I fight through wanting to always give up...

Oh, look... the next issue of Cooking Light... guess I'll read that now... *sigh*